Back In Busy-ness

I think I’ve always had a problem with not being busy enough. I have always loved keeping myself available and my schedule open, because then life would be easy. I’d have no responsibilities and no obligations, and I’d have free time to do what I’d like.

But, after years of living by that methodology, and making very little progress in the things that I’m passionate about, I lost purpose. I would never truly take advantage of that free time, instead just sitting around and doing pointless things.

I always wanted to get off my butt and go do the things that I love to do, but for some reason I never could. And, naturally, that made me question whether or not I actually loved doing those things. Yet, when I would do those things, I still very much loved them. Whether it was film, or music, or writing, or sports, I always loved doing it, but was glued to not committing myself fully to those things.

And I always felt unfilled, believe It or not. Without that fuel of passion to keep my engine rolling, I sort of floated around with much purpose. But, as I started to get more involved in those things, I never questioned my passion and belief in myself, and thus felt purposeful and lively again.

Although I’ve had my moments where I’ve resorted back to that habit of not making myself busy enough, I’m more aware of it now, and know when it needs to stop.

So, this month, with my second year at the University of Texas at Austin under way, I knew I needed to get involved and busy immediately after a pretty dull and purposeless period in my life.

I got a new job at Texas Studios, live broadcasting sporting events for UT, I joined new organizations and classes and circles to feed my passion for filmmaking, and I’ve taken time to focus on independent work and my faith.

It’s busy. The busiest I’ve ever been, I would argue. But, it’s also the most passionate and like myself I”ve ever been. And it’s fun, so much of it. My purpose is back, and I know that I’ll never doubt that purpose ever again.